Failure

Yesterday I attempted to run the 'Gløgg og Æbleskriver' marathon. My arm is still swollen from the elbow fracture and even though I can use it more and more it is still very weak and hurts when used. BUT I had decided to run this race back when November started and I felt that I had a chance to make it through. The marathon is arranged by Mogens Pedersen a Danish Marathon icon and is my favorite marathon to run.

I had to run with my arm in a sling tied close to my body. I could probably have run without the sling for a few km's, but I knew that my arm was far to weak for running without it for the full marathon distance. I hadn't run since last weeks accident so I wasn't sure how my overall condition was. I knew that my knee had hurt a little but I hoped that it wasn't more than the impact of the fall that had made them a little tender.

As I stood there fully suited and my right arm totally immobilized I did feel quite out of place. A few of my fellow runners came up to me and asked what had happened and asked me if I could run like that. I told them my story and that I would run as far as it felt OK.

The race started.

Within a few hundred meter I knew that it was going to be a hard one. Running with only one arm loose felt totally wrong and I had to use a lot of energy to compensate. Normally the first 10-15 km just feels like a warm up but yesterday I had to battle even the early km's. My legs as such didn't feel bad but the muscles I had to use to compensate for the 'lost' arm made their present evident.

Photo: Jens Buhl Christensen

After 13 km's I had to make a road side stop. I had taped one of my toes before the race to prevent blisters. The tape had the side effect of working like a sandpaper on its neighbor toe causing a big ruptured blister on that one instead. The pain was to annoying so the tape had to go and instead was moved to cover the ruptured blister. I used no more than a few minutes on the procedure but it was hard to get started again. A few km's later it was time for a water post again. I had a cup of energy mix and a cup of cola and headed on. The next km felt like an eternity and I knew that going 42.2 km wasn't going to happen. Hitting the wall at 16 km is far to early for a marathon race. I felt like turning around and just walk back to the water post but decided that I really needed to run at least the half marathon distance before quitting. 

Photo: Ove Kvist

The last km's before the water post felt better but my speed had dropped to a point where I knew that even if I made it all the way through it would have to include some amount of walking and that didn't feel right. Everybody can walk a marathon. I hadn't walked at all at that point and I really didn't wanted to either. Plus I totally didn't wanted to go relive my Copenhagen marathon!!

I quitted the race at the water post after ~21.2 km headed for the shower and had me some gløgg and æbleskiver which I totally didn't feel I deserved.

I really really struggled with the decision to quit and I still do. Part of me know it was the right thing to do but part of me also think that is was cowardly to quit a race not crawling.